Monday, December 3, 2012
A Stream of Consciousness Pt.5
Hours after feeling satisfied of the quality of my work, I received an email, stating that my project was filled with errors. I had not even thought to research how Fox spells Brittney’s name, let alone remember to italicize the title Glee (see I did it this time J ). Emails went back and forth for almost a week. My computer, being the promiscuous whore that it is, became infected with a virus. Hours were spent in the local library where is smells like curry flavored farts and you will be kicked out for letting your cell phone ring on vibrate. More edits, more emails, more aspirin. I was getting worried now. Would my benefactor think I’m in competent? Would my literary referral turn into a text message saying “This guy spells worse then a 3rd grader, has the attention span of a gnat, and keeps asking me about money. He's either retarded or high on drugs.”
I was told that the dead line was approaching. I received four emails in one night; all of them were PDF copies of my four page interview. The scarlet color of red ink was tagged all over the pages along with little suggestions and pictures of "frowny" faces. I was suddenly experiencing poignant flashbacks of my 4th grade teacher Mrs. Cosby (who here from A.Scott Elementary School still hates the rotten bitch?). God make this insanity stop. I slapped myself in the face and took a few drags from my American Spirit. I can do this, I can do this. I very carefully and monotonously made all the corrections on the paper, and sent it back as promised. If you have ADHD you know that completing (key word) a task like this is more painful then having a pap-smear with a rusty garden rake. Every time I sat down I wanted to do something else. I visualized myself completing the task. I visualized myself being rewarded. I visualized myself and my writing partner (Hey Nick what's up?!) on The Daily Show. That night as I slept I had no dreams.
Within a few days I received some emails commending me for my work. Is this a joke? No...It was real. In addition to doing a great job, my work was to be published in a two magazine, and a few newspapers.
Upon reflection, it just further illustrates how amazing the human mind is. Although my typical audience is not that of “The Disney” variety I proved to myself and the world that if need be, I can work for that audience or any other. “You must possess wisdom to understand wisdom. The music is nothing to the ears of the def.” We (I) get so comfortable and wrapped up in doing what we (I) already know, opportunities for growth are often ignored like that one bill collector for the delinquent Bank of America account, who keeps calling me.
Frequently we sit around the bonfire of life, singing songs, roasting marshmallows, and eating psychedelic mushrooms-talking of goals and plans. In life many of these plans and goals are not fulfilled and remain as lingering memories of a better time. The words we speak reflect the thoughts we think. The thoughts we think, paint the canvass of our feelings. The way we feel flows from our core beliefs. The truth I have discovered is that by changing our (my) beliefs, we change everything about the experience and change everything about our (my) performance. This changes everything about our (my) lives. If you believe it you can achieve it.
The hardest thing to do is identify these beliefs in the first place. Many of them are buried in the bleakest, coldest, depths of our (my) minds in the form of memories. It was through the systematic dissection of these memories, good and bad, that I was able to see my CORE beliefs in a tangible and comprehensible equation. The solution was to apply the inverse operation to these memories. Substitute beliefs and dreams in place of fears and doubts, lots of soft yet positive “self-talk”and visualize the finish line...where I get to lay on my throne of cream cheese...hand-fed steak's and grape fruit in a cornucopia made from old jazz records...while being pampered and massaged by sixteen fine Amazon women scantily clad, telling me how much I rock and how everything I do is awesome and blah blah blah...(Don't judge me)
What obstacles prevent you from reaching your goals? Could it be something as simple as a core belief that needs to be changed before you can really change anything else? Do you have any archaic beliefs left over from child-hood that need to be updated? Is it possible fear, of failure, is your only REAL obstacle in life? And is it possible, that if you believe YOU CAN do something, and YOU CAN overcome any challenge..eventually you will?
Once while I was attending a random protestant service (I'm Catholic for the record but enjoy all religious and spiritual concepts; including worships from non Judeo-Christian religions), I heard a preacher testify about belief. It was during this phase of my life, I believed that I had become negative and felt as a result I was selfish and self absorbed. I knew I needed to give back to others, except I had no clue how to do this. The preacher said something like:
"Because I believe in God, I would thank God everyday for making me strong enough to STOP smoking crack. Then I would smoke more crack...and I'd say thank you Jesus for making me free of the bondage of crack-cocaine...and thank you Lord for this baking soda and micro wave...as I smoketh thy rock of crack. Let me get an AMEN BROTHAS as I smoked crack for NINE MO MONTHS...and one day brothas I woke up and was FREE from the obsession...free from the bondage of crack. I have'nt smoked crack since."
I know it sounds exactly like something a crack head would say, but in my gut, I felt this preacher was on to something. I experimented with the concept and told myself :
"Dude, you can do this..you can do more then just play a bass, break the law, and break peoples hearts. I BELIEVE that I can be of service to others and help. Thank you God for making me happy."
The more I said this to myself, the more I started to FEEL it working. Before I knew it, I was volunteering for different groups. I was listening to random people's problems and actively attempting to help. ASKING THEM how their day was going instead of TELLING THEM how mine went. I was putting smiles on strangers face's...giving back. Who hear is now my friend on face book because I asked them how there day was? These works have made me a happier person, and I was just scared to do this...my previous privation prevented the personal peace I was looking for because I did not believe I could find it.
I believe that those of you who are truly open minded enough to try this, will find yourselves doing things you previously did not expect or think possible. I also believe that you will take the time to leave a comment on THIS blogspot page, and pass my link on to another one of your friends.
I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT, CHEERS!!!